Plan your work, work your plan

So... I came up with a 3 year plan... Whoa is about all I can  say to describe what I feel right now... It's kinda been a rough week (and Lord it's only Wednesday!).... so yeah, that's about all I can muster at this moment....

So anyhow... As I said, I've been having a rough week... Well, not rough rough... just like so far 1 day (Sunday) has been rough... and rough is describing Sunday nicely. So, Monday I woke up and just felt deflated, defeated, and just didn't even want to try in general... But... I've got kids to feed, and education to get, and people to prove wrong... so I drag myself out of bed and lazy walk to the shower.. While I was in the shower, I started praying (as I normally do... and since I get sidetracked ALOT, this may be why my showers take so long... God and I have a lot of talkin to do...) and I started hearing this line from a song over and over again in my head... Had it not been a Christian song, I would have thought it was Satan trying to distract me.. but anyways, I kept hearing "I need a reset, I need a restart, put the drumbeat back in my heart". Well, ya know I do feel like I need a reset.. especially after the ugly that was Sunday.... And I figure that the only way to get the kinda reset I need is by a time of prayer and fasting. So, as soon as I get out of the shower I send out a couple of texts to my 'support group' and tell them what I'm setting out to do. I should probably mention, that I get up at about 4 in the morning to start getting ready so this text was sent WAAAYYYY early (sorry guys).



my favorite....


Now... Monday went really really good.... I started off the day praying (started in the shower duh), then after I decided that I was in need of a serious do over, I prayed while I was getting the girls over to Momma's... I just simply said 'I know You are my portion, and You will provide all I need...' And that was it... I mean, that's all I could even think to say at this point... I tell you what... I wasn't hungry all day, I didn't crave Dr. Pepper all day, I was able to walk past the chocolate temptation at work... I was actually HAPPY and chipper for not havin eaten anything... Weird... Not weird... GOD. So Monday, I start thinking about my life, and how I feel like I'm chasing my tail, or runnin a race on a treadmill.... A friend had suggested I make a list of priorities, daily if I need to, and focus on those one at a time instead of trying to focus on everything all at once.... Well.. I thought... it's worth a shot... I dunno, I just decided it was time to make a plan for my life (now, I am a moment planner, a romantic planner.. a relationship planner, I hate surprises... but I have never actually made a plan for my life.... really)... So, here comes the 3 year plan....

*October 2012- I need to sell my Jeep this month, and buy a cheapo beater car that gets better gas mileage... Spending $600 a month in gas is a tad cray cray.... (also, October 14 is when the school starts sending out acceptance or try again letters for the spring nursing program)

*In 1 year (ish)- Graduate nursing school (with a 3.9 GPA). I say 'ish' as far as time because I'm not really sure how long it will take.. I know that the nursing program is 5 semesters long (7 if you go part time) but that includes your general education classes, and I'm getting those knocked out right now (I'm on my 3rd semester...)
             *By graduation, I want to be on Dave Ramsey's Baby step 4.. which basically means I will have all my debts paid, and have 6 months of living expenses set aside as an emergency fund....
              * Also, by graduation, I want to be closer to a healthier weight... like 50ish lbs less than where I am TODAY.... Trust me, there will be a post about all that mess later....
              *At my graduation, I want the biggest cheering section EVER... and a huge party, just sayin
              *After graduation I have to find a job, so I can put this new education to good use.... Although, I mean hopefully I'll have a job lined up before I graduate, but I'm not sure how that works and all....
              *Once I get a job, and get kinda settled into the job, I want to pay cash for a nice used-ish car... (totally making Dave Ramsey proud)... I had thought about a BMW or Lexus, but I think maintenance on those is crazy out the roof, sooo maybe not... but whatevs I just want something nicer than my beater...

*In 3 years- I want to buy a house... a house that's mine, and not one that I'm renting from Momma and Daddy.... Part of me thinks it would be awesome awesome to be able to pay cash for a house, but I will settle for having a nice down payment stashed away....



Tryin to make ya proud, Dave...


So that is my plan.... I wrote it down and stuck it to my fridge so I won't get discouraged... I mean, I know I'll get discouraged... 3 years is a long time, but it will go fast... I just meant to keep me on track when I do get discouraged and want to quit. I am happy to notice that my 3 year plan doesn't include the words 'find a man and get married' (as my 'plan' 11 years ago did)... That's a big step for me...I hate hate hate being single.. always have... I just don't like being lonely.. I don't even know why I hate it so much, I just do... But... I have 2 little girls to think about... and I have a list of manquirements that I don't think I want to compromise on... I mean.. I settled 10 years ago, and look where it got me... So this time I'm just not going to settle... I'm also not making it a priority to go mantrollin... God will take care of it...

All day Monday, I kept hearing this manly man voice talkin to me... and it would YELL when I started getting worried or worked up over memories... It kept saying to me "Stop worrying over this small stuff. I will make you the head and not the tail". I'm convinced it was God's voice speakin to me...especially since I felt soo much peace everytime I heard it....

So, of course I also text my 'support group' and tell them my 3 year plan... I am jokingly calling them my support group. These are people I love so much, and I am sooo thankful I get to be around them.... and then when I get home from school, I tell Momma and Daddy my plan... Daddy of course has his trusty 'bubble burstin' needle with him... Lord, I swear, I am such an optimist and he is just not.... But it's all good, because Monday night I was so encouraged I wasn't going to let anything get me down.

Tuesday, I wake up... we are on day 2 of fastin and prayer... Already, let me just say I am amazed! I have fasted once before, but never felt this much peace... and I was ALWAYS hungry... always thinking of food... This time, nothing... I am just not hungry... God is amazing... So Tuesday... I grab my mail from my box (I know it's only at the end of the drive, but I just can't make myself go out there every. single. day... so my mail only gets checked about once a week.... I know...) and bring my mail to work with me... As I am getting ready to go to school, I sort thru my mail and find a letter from the hospital. Now, I had surgery in March... When I was married, I had Tricare that covered EVERYTHING 100%... it was awesome... But since I'm not married anymore, I lost that...my insurance thru work covered 80% of the surgery... but the portion I had to pay was well over $5000... insane... I just couldn't seem to make any headway with it at all... and I was getting discouraged... So anyhow, it had been suggested that I apply for financial aid from the hospital... I did, totally not thinking I would get it.. because after all, I have a job and insurance, and am not on welfare.... I was really hoping for just a teeny discount, or a more relaxed payment arrangement... so I open the letter from the hospital, and read 'You have qualified for a 100% Charitable discount'....

Now... I think this must be some mistake... I didn't ask for that, I wasn't hoping for that.... So I call them up... and explain that surely they made a mistake... The lady on the phone takes my info, puts me on hold and looks me up.... When she comes back she says 'No ma'am... there is no mistake. You're debt has been paid.'
WHOA! I totally started bawling... and thanking her, and God... and crying... Whoa... that's like $5000 in debt GONE... that's like one step of my 3 year plan DONE.... Really???

Also on Tuesday I get a phone call from Daddy at work, which like never ever happens... He said 'I just wanted you to know that I am proud of you for making your plan. You have never been a life planner, and I am just proud and surprised that you did that. Now, at the risk of sounding like a wet blanket... WRITE IT DOWN and stick it on your fridge so you won't quit when it gets hard'... That Daddy, sometimes he's pretty smart...

So, as of day 2 of my fast... I am still feeling pretty good.. still not hungry, still not craving...  Tuesday night my face hurt from how big and hard I had been smiling all day.

Enter today... Wednesday...today... Satan has just been tryin to beat me down... You know, I think Satan is kinda like an animal... you know how animals won't attack you unless you scare them... Yeah, Satan is the same way... So apparently I scared him, because he has been coming at me hardcore today... Still not hungry, still have the strength to say to him 'Get behind me' (but... he's not listening today)...

I walked on my lunch break with a friend of mine around the walking trail at Bridge Street... Bad idea when you are fighting soo hard to not think about some areas of your life... don't go to places where you have memories of that part of your life, just sayin... So.. in the middle of my tryin to hold it together, nearly bawl fest... I seriously was on the verge of just giving up... I get a phone call from Daddy (again, he like never calls me at work) 'Hey what are ya doing? Well I think I found you a beater car... it's in your price range $500!... I'm thinking I might buy it if you don't really' What?! Ok dad, lay it on me! What is it????

'A 1983 Toyota Corolla! Back from when they knew how to make cars right! It's 4 door, 4 cylinder... It's gotta get better gas mileage than Earl (my jeep)... It's only got 78,000 miles on it... I think it'd be worth lookin at and thinking about really'..... Oh... oh my.... umm... ok... well I will have to Google that dad... because I was 2 in '83 and have no idea what it looks like... Oh, it's a tin box... umm... well I was kinda hopin for something, I dunno... cuter... Oh well, yeah you are right, it is only temporary.... Ummm... yeah and if I sold the Jeep, I would have a nice little start to my emergency fund... Ok, well then can we go look this weekend??

So... looks like I'll be making Dave Ramsey waay proud if this pans out... I've already decided that if I do end up buying this car, I'm slappin a big ole DaveRamsey.com sticker on it, and I'm namin it Julio....